Topics Addressed by Existential Therapy
Responsibility/Freedom
"All excuses are reasons, but not all reasons are excuses."
"Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you."
Jean-Paul Sartre
Quantum physics has clearly proven that you create your own reality based upon the content of your thoughts and beliefs. It has also shown that positive thoughts and beliefs, combined with consistent focused action, are the true recipe for success.
According to Irvin Yalom (1980), "Responsibility means authorship. To be aware of responsibility is to be aware of creating one's own self, destiny, life predicament, feelings, and, if such be the case one's own suffering. For the patient who will not accept such responsibility, who persists in blaming others - either other individuals or other forces—for his or her dysphoria, no real therapy is possible."
Because we're so closely parented throughout our formative years, responsibility assumption is an issue that many young adults naturally struggle with. From the time of your birth you live in a world where things seem to be magically taken care of, or utterly out of your control. At some point - upon entering adulthood—this ceases to be the case, and you must assume the role of parent to yourself. As parent, you are responsible for managing your inner and outer life, and providing for your own needs and wants. You are responsible to do what it takes to create your own happiness.
As an adult, you will also encounter freedom—the ability to create a life based on your own unique values and interests. A life based on your dreams.
It is common to enter adulthood with your freedom conflicted by the expectations of your loved ones and societal norms. True happiness though, can only be found by walking your own path. Exploring freedom helps you move from a life directed by "I should…"s, to a life guided by "I want…"s.
Isolation
Because we are individuals, if we look hard enough, most of us can easily find some sense of isolation from others. This is often not a problem given that life offers many healthy and adaptive opportunities for experiencing a sense of connection to others.
Successful completion of the developmental tasks of our early years sends us into adulthood able to stand on our own—we are able to self-soothe, to feel loved even when alone, to care for our own needs, and are able to love and appreciate ourselves. We are also able to experience relationships with true intimacy and need-free love.
Exploring isolation will be useful if you are unable to tolerate any sense of aloneness and to assume responsibility for your life. It is especially relevant if you have an excessive need for dependence on others, and if you feel you cannot experience any true life satisfaction without romantic attachment.
Those who live their lives in accordance with the expectations, values, and beliefs of others - their loved ones or society—may also experience a sense of isolation from their true selves. In this situation, it is helpful to generate options and solutions for getting in touch with, and expressing, your true self. This includes living a life based on your own true values.
Meaninglessness
"Meaning makes a great many things endurable—perhaps everything."
Carl Jung
"Meaning is something to be found rather than given. Man cannot invent it but must discover it."
Viktor Frankl
This is a very easy question to ask, but a very challenging question to answer.
Meaninglessness can be experienced as a subjective state of boredom, apathy, and emptiness. One feels cynical, lacks direction, and questions the point of most of life's activities. Some complain of a void and a vague discontent when the busy week is over. Free time makes one aware of the fact that there is nothing one wants to do."
This state often leads to the development of ineffective coping strategies such as:
• alcoholism and drug addiction
• depression
• obsessions
• delinquency
• sex addiction
• daredevilry
• etc..
Frankl suggests there are three main categories of life meaning:
• What one accomplishes or gives to the world in terms of one's own creations.
• What one takes from the world in terms of encounters and experiences—truth, beauty, love.
• One's stand toward suffering, toward a fate that one cannot change.
Meaning follows from engaging life. Unfortunately, life offers as many opportunities
to become discouraged, as it does to become encouraged. Certainly, there's less opportunity to find yourself disappointed when nothing matters. It can hurt to care. If you've found yourself out of touch with the things that might matter in your life, exploring meaning in counseling can help remove the obstacles to getting your life back on track.
Death
"Awareness of death as a basic human condition gives significance to living. It is necessary to think about death if we are to think significantly about life.
If we defend ourselves against the reality of our eventual death, life becomes insipid and meaninglessness. But if we realize we are mortal, we know that we do not have an eternity to complete our projects and that each present moment is crucial.
Our awareness of death is the source of zest for life and creativity. Death and life are interdependent, and though physical death destroys us, the idea of death saves us."
Some spend a great portion of their lives defending against death anxiety. Some insist on feeling merged with another at all times, and others relentlessly pursue a sense of specialness and/or invincibility. This is quite common, and can be helped by exploring existential issues in counseling.
What truly helps make death easier to face, is to know that you have lived right, that you have developed your own unique potentials and pursued your own individuals dreams. These don't have to be exceptional talents, or huge dreams, they only need to be your true heart's desire.
References:
Frankl, V. (1963). Man's Search For Meaning. Boston: Beacon.
Yalom, I. D. (1980). Existential Psychotherapy. New York: Basic Books.